donderdag, april 28, 2005

Ja, I do.


We're. Legally. Married.

It was everything we hoped for and more. The pictures are coming in faster than I can organize them, but I'll get some posted.

In the meantime, please know that saying "I do" in front of your family and friends is worth fighting for.

Although we are no more committed to each other now than we were before the ceremony, something is different. We're still individuals, yet there is now a new status that attached to us the moment we married. This status comes from being a couple in legal terms and has nothing to do with being somehow superior simply because we're married. (One of my fears is that if we all finally obtain the ability to marry, there will then be a better/worse, us/them distinction between those who are married and those who aren't, but that's another post.)
From the moment we said, "I do," The Netherlands recognized us as a couple. This means that when someone deals with one of us, whether on a social or state level, they must also knowingly take the other of us into consideration. On one hand, nothing changes after marriage; on the other hand, without a marriage the "status" of being a couple is a very murky grey area, at best. At worst, it just doesn't matter.
This makes a difference, both socially and legally, in regard to a couple's rights and responsibilities.
If others treat us now only as individuals, with little or no connection or bond between us, they do so at their own peril - again, both socially and legally. This, to us, was one of the main purposes of marrying. (Oh yeah. Ian has just reminded me that the main reason for marrying was because we love each other. My bad.)

Many people who attended the wedding commented that the ceremony was truly "a wedding", with the subtext being that many weddings aren't - that sometimes people who don't have to fight for marriage don't really understand what an incredible thing a marriage is.
We don't have the luxury of taking marriage for granted.

Thanks to all of you who made it - it was unbelievable listening to the mix of languages and seeing the variety of cultures represented. The support and happiness for us was palpable.
Also, on a very personal level, I really appreciate the kindness you all showed my family. Although she didn't complain, I know the trip had to be physically very difficult for my mom. I believe any fears she had about me living in a culture different from the one I was raised in were alleviated after she saw the people who surround us here.
Again, thank you.
You rock.



Anonymous Anoniem said...

Congratulations! How wonderful!

1:10 p.m.  
Blogger Scott said...

Thanks, Tin Man.

2:06 p.m.  
Blogger Nam LaMore said...


i came to your blog by way of mizes slocombe.

congrats on your happy news - sounds so wonderful. we're still behind in same-sex marriage, but the fight continues.

maybe one day i'll find some be lucky!

8:46 p.m.  
Anonymous Anoniem said...


Congratulations! I'm thrilled for you both, and misty eyed looking at the pictures. Wish I could have been there. Love and grow!

9:22 p.m.  
Blogger Scott said...

Nam -
The fight's worth it. Thanks - and give our regards to the mizes.

Walt -
Unreal, eh? See? There's hope! What have you been up to lately? I've missed seeing what's going on in your neck of the island. Thanks for the congrats. We're still a little misty eyed ourselves...

9:33 p.m.  
Anonymous Anoniem said...

Ah, the smiles say it all.

Now I'm smiling too just looking at these.

Congrats, guys!

4:36 a.m.  
Blogger knottyboy said...

Mon congrats. My partner and I have been together for 15 years now and we have had to find paperwork that allows us the rights that the states won't parallel that straights have. I'm relieved to see that outside of the us there aren't the stigmas and ignorance with couples loving one another.

4:19 p.m.  
Blogger Mizez Slocombe said...

My pride increases daily, Scottdarling. And I must say, your photographer was quite hot. ;-)

P.S. Nam is a complete sweetie!

5:19 p.m.  
Blogger Scott said...

Thanks, Jim and Knottyboy.
I understand about the search for documents, knotty. It was that exact search that initially led me to law school. For this American, nothing can match the freedom I've finally found outside of my native country. It's an incredible gift not to have to fight any longer for basic human rights.
And as for you, Mizez S, when are you coming back?

10:12 p.m.  
Blogger W0lfwoman said...

Congratulations from Pacific Grove, California. Best wishes for a life of love!

9:42 p.m.  
Anonymous Anoniem said...

Hi Scott!
I will send something with Jamie and Mike.
Your pictures are great.
Best Wishes!
Love, Mary

4:56 a.m.  
Blogger Chox said...

Big hug and congratulations from San Francisco...where we were allowed to marry once...even if it was for a short time.

Maybe someday I'll be married...but I'm not counting on it.

8:33 p.m.  
Blogger Scott said...

It must be California week.
w0lfwoman - nice to hear from someone from PG - my old stomping grounds! And you like australian cattle dogs, too. I used to raise those guys. Good dogs.

Chad - I lived in SF, too, back in the 70's. Ian and I were visiting there when the city first allowed marriage.
I've got to say, I wasn't expecting marriage for me either. Never say never.

Mary - I can't wait to see Jamie. I think they're going to love it here.

11:07 p.m.  
Blogger Morning Ranter said...

Way to go and congratulation!

5:06 a.m.  
Blogger Geoffrey said...

That's fantastic news! Huzzah to you two!

12:52 a.m.  
Blogger Unknown said...

CONGRATULATIONS and may you have an AMAZING married life together!!! You both look fantastic!

Scott, I am very happy to have made you acquaintance through blogging. Thank you always for being bothered to read my wordy meanderings.

Guys, I am very happy for you!

10:26 p.m.  
Anonymous Anoniem said...

I can hear the silence of post-wedding bills rolling in ... lol.

You can't slap me from across the ocean.

Just kidding, my friends. Have a great day.


10:56 p.m.  

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